Back hoes and backyards

Hey 2 days in a row..some kind of record perhaps. I made a date with myself to write tonight and kept it.

Monster Daddy rented a back hoe and dug up more than half of the back yard today to make an area for the swing set to be put up. I think he enjoyed driving the thing a bit too much as he took all day long and now my yard resembles a big pile of dirt. He also plowed the whole side yard and informed me that he intends to put gravel there instead of the grass that was there. What the man has against grass I do not know but oldest monster child and myself are less than thrilled with this. I think he is on a quest to have as little to mow as possible..the man would pave the whole yard if we allowed him to.

So today was spent with the twinado on the deck playing with playdoh until it got too hot out and the clay was drying out. Then it was sandbox time....so several sweaty hours, a long bath that did not remove all the sand from their hair and nearly falling asleep at the table they were tucked into bed to recharge for tomorrow.
Tomorrow is landscape timber and mulch day.
Hold me.

Evolving

Yeah so I really suck at this blog thing..however it may be a good way to pass the time when I cant sleep. Like tonight. Its almost 2 am and I am still up even though I am literally so tired my eyes are burning. WTF?

I last wrote here in October...man i really do suck at this.

SO in the past 6 months I have made some major changes in my life...I have become vegetarian. It was sort of a long time coming I guess..just finally got up the need to actually do it. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to deal with missing some meat..but honestly haven't missed it one bit.

I also recently gave up my biggest addiction since I was a smoker, and stopped drinking soda. I was a die hard core coke zero addict..but gave it up because I am on a quest to remove as much artificial crap from my and the monsters diets as possible. Still missing the lovely bubbly chemical goodness..but that will pass...right?

Our home has added a few new occupants, as the nephew, his girlfriend and her daughter (henceforth known as Monkey) moved in with us. This has its good and bad points...and it does indeed make for a crazy household with the 2 twin monsters and another toddler (the Monkey) tossed into the mix. I feel some days like I have 7 kids...at least most of them are potty trained.

I am not very good with this blog thing.

Thematic Blogging

Its the quasi-weekly blog theme - "F" Words!

In her HM Blog Debut, the big monster learns forgiveness

a hippy chick gets frivolous. Shocking.

Frankly, Melia, we're not surprised you wrote about feminism.

MamaDuck brags about her friend's freezer

This Week on HippyMom

Veggin' out with Gray Gaia

The Inside Life, deserted?

Mama Duck gets Stamped!

You are your own worst enemy, crazycase! Snap out of it!

a hippy chick holds on for one more day...

Did Melia get married? Did she fall off a mountain? Why does she eat eggs? Total cuteness on HippyMom!

Bunny Glitter goes Tori!

Luscious Decadence makes us warm, tingly and special.

Sarah Plain and Tall's Dredful Journey!

Forgiving

Lately I have been thinking a lot about some events of the past, and how it may finally be time for me to forgive and move on.  I have held on to this anger and resentment long enough, and there is no better time than the present to let go and move on.

I was once a 2nd grade teacher in a public school.  I was thrilled with this job, it came after 10 years of working with special needs children, and was what at the time I considered my "dream job".  I had gone to school and gotten a masters degree, and the job fell into my lap.  I was thrilled, I was happy and for the first time in a long time I looked foreward to going to work.  The first year was wonderful.  I had made a lot of friends among the other teachers, I had a wonderful mentor teacher guiding me, and I adored the kids.  I also got pregnant with my first child around Christmas that year.  This was a sort of a surprise, it happened a lot faster than we ever imagined it would.  The baby was due Sept 7, so at the end of that year I had my maternity leave all set in place for the next year.  I would be returning right after the Christmas vacation on January 2.  

I went to visit my classroom and introduce myself to my class just before the vacation.  I brought the Doodlebug with me for the staff to ooh and ahh over.  I was excited to return to work, even though it meant leaving my infant daughter with my mom.  The principal filled me in on my claas a bit and actually said to me that I needed to come in firm and strict and not my usually chipper self.  Apparently I had several children in the class with behavior issues, which did not worry me as I had worked with ED kids for 10 years.

I returned to the classroom and got right to work.  I had several students who required extra work and some creative thinking to help them maintain appropriate behavior, but i was really loving every minute of it, as challenging as it was.  About a week after I returned, I was notified that I was going to be observed by one of the district evaluators.  Not a big deal I thought, as I had been through it before.  The lesson she observed was not one of my best.  There were some behavior issues, and things just did not go as smoothly as I would have liked.  When I met with her after, I had already gone through the errors in my head and thought what I would do differently next time.  I never really had a chance to discuss anything with her as she picked me apart, but at the time I did not worry too much about it, as I was able to prepare a written statement before it was going into my record.

The next week the building principal observed me, this lesson went very well. (or so I thought)  as had my lessons she observed previously.  Imagine my surprise when I met with her and she trashed my lesson.  She accused me of being "too hard" on the students and "crushing a students spirit" because I would not answer his question until he returned to his seat. (getting out of his seat having been a REAL problem with thtis student)  Was this the same woman who 3 weeks earlier told me to be strict?  She literally had me in tears thinking that I had been overly harsh or strict with my students and just didn't see it.  She suggested a plan of action that involved me meeting with the district mentor for teachers, takibg a few rfresher classes, and some reading.  

I did everything she asked of me, and she also came to observe several times a week.  I still was not sure what I had done wrong, but I worked hard to try to correct what was wrong.  She set up a series of hoops, and I was jumping through them all.  I never got written copies of any of my reviews, she always said they were "coming" but never did.

A few weeks later, only 6 weeks after my return to work, I was called in for a review.  I went in prepared to discuss the new things I had learned and new strategies I was using.  BeforeI could even start to talk I was informed that my contract would not be renewed, and that I could either write a letter of resignation and get letters of reference form the principal, or refuse to resign and be fired, and no letters of reccomendation.  She even provided a reason for me to "resign" that the distance from home was too great.

This was a giant shock.  I was so confused as to why..and then I found out that there were 19 other teachers like myself who were being let go.  We were being let go and replaced with teachers just out of college.  This saved the district roughly $10,000 per teacher.  SO much for getting the students the best most experienced teachers they could, it was really all about the money.

If this was not bad enough, the teacher who was my mentor withdrew from me, and other teachers who were my friends sort of stopped socializing.  I felt like I was being watched as they put a para professional in my room every day..and she wondered why she was there since I clearly did not need her help.  I was confused, hurt and yeah I was probably not little miss sunshine.  I had to work 3 more months at a school where I felt isolated and uncomfortable.  I had to go to workshops that were geared toward materials and changes in the curriculum planned for the next year...I asked to be excused from those but was not allowed to.  

The last day of school, I walked my kids out to meet their parents...got in my car and drove awy not looking back.  

I am ready to forgive the principal for not being honest with me.  It would have been far less painful to know th ereal reason I was let go than to be led to believe I had failed my students.  I forgive my mentor for withdrawing from me.  Both of them were probably concerned about their own jobs and unable to discuss what was happening with me out of that fear.

I also apologize to them and any other people who had to listen to my negativity at that time.  

I realize now that it was a blessing in disguise.  I was able to stay home with my daughter, and become a stay at home mom...something I never imagined for myself, but that I cherish every moment of.  I am able to persue a creative path now that I never had time for in the past.  

It has been a long over due task for me to write this all out and get it off my shoulders.  Letting go of it and forgiving where I feel I was wronged is very freeing.  I literally feel lighter and better than I have in 6 years...and thats a very nice feeling.

things i love

• having songbirds visit the birdfeeder
• iced coffee
• driving with the windows down and radio up loud
• coffee heath bar crunch ice cream
• flip flops
• getting together with good friends for breakfast
• Burt's Bees lip balm
• coconut scented bath products
• the randomness that is Twitter
• polymer clay
• brand new boxes of crayons
• tie dye clothing
• children's laughter
• sea otters
• watching the ocean
• cowboys
• Hugh Laurie
• watching Doodlebug's gymnastics practice
• window shopping
• people watching
• Dane Cook
• brown sugar cinnamon pop tarts
• dandelions in paper cups
• Kenny Chesney
•  GotTwinz
• HippyMom
• finding old and making new friends on FaceBook
• red toenail polish
• beads, beads, beads
• finding time to read
• pedicures
• ice cold iced tea
• cake decorating, the amazing and the amazingly bad
• the sound of crickets at night
• B horror movies
• Disneyworld
• babies in overalls
• guys in well worn baseball caps and camo pants
• crafting
• bbq sauce
• crossing items off my to do list
• freshly washed crisp cool bedsheets
• feety pjs
• my Honda Odessy (this surprises me)
• random bits of useless trivia
• hearing Doodlebug sing (even if it is the Jonas brothers)
• Cricket's "uh-oh" face
• Bear's funny faces
• tote bags
• hot apple crisp and vanilla ice cream on fall days
• football
• snowmen
• Sesame Street (yes it STILL makes me laugh)
• birch trees
• hummingbirds
• the butterfly bush in our back yard
• wax potpourii tarts
• friends who love you just the way you are
• puns
• oversized hooded sweatshirts
• 80's music
• Chuck Taylors
• my ipod
• deer in the backyard